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With Great Power
From the unauthorized and unnamed autobiography of Johny Snow.
My name is Joseph Sample.. and yes that’s the name my mother gave me. But, you probably care more about my fake name Johnny Snow; “world’s coolest superhero”. And, I’m not talking about the fact that I play Johny Snow on TV. I’m saying that I AM Johnny Snow in the real world. Well…. also on TV, but that’s not the point.
Most Heroes will tell you about their tragic back story, and how powers are a curse. I guess they could be, but that’s not been my experience. Power is awesome, that’s why they call it power. It’s the ability to do what you want when you want. It’s not only freedom, it’s the ability to achieve your goals. And, the ability to achieve your goals is meaning. Power gives you meaning.
So, what are my goals? What does it mean for me? Selling out and cashing in! Some people might not think that’s the most noble use of super powers, but I’m betting those people weren’t at Snoop Doggs party last week.
People want to see Snow on TV, in movies, to read his comics, and buy his T-shirts for 49.95. And as long as they do…. I get to cash the checks, because someone must play him in TV, and I look just like him. As long as Johnny Snow remains relevant, Joseph Sample gets to lead the good life.
That last part is the only real hiccup in my life. Johnny Snow has to remain relevant. Which means he has to be a bona-fide, crime fighting, villain stomping hero. If he’s not, the checks and endorsements stop rolling in, and I am no longer partying with the Dee-O-Double-Gee.
Snow vs The Worm
Johnny Snow vs The Worm
Sooo, I was flying the colors while flying over downtown Long Beach. You might think it’s a drag to have to summon a blizzard just to be able to fly. I love it, because it really ticks off the weathermen. Who doesn’t want some payback against those guys?
And besides it was the summer of 2010. The country was finally over the worst of the ressesion. Flo Rider and Timberlake were blasting the air waves, with T-Pain featured in everything. The western drought had just begun and temperatures were soaring higher then Lando in Cloud City. A little snow would do the city good.
I saw it before my handler even broadcast the fact. Willy the Worm had just robbed an armored truck with his gang. They were speeding down towards the ocean. I waited until the police got most of the freeway cleared of traffic before I flew in.
Willy and the guys must have been tipped off by the dwindling traffic because I got there just in time for some maniac to climb on top of the Armored car and start shooting at me with a machine gun.
Which really ticked me off.
Sure I control cold and ice. Sure I can fly in a blizzard. Sure I have a super human physique, and the belt notches to prove it, but I am NOT bullet proof, just bullet resistant. Those things hurt like hell, and I am not a fan of pain. I was in no mood to get shot at, so I took the kid gloves off.
With the Truck speeding down the highway at 80mph and some lunatic surfing the top while firing at me, I put on the speed and zipped in front. I stopped, hovering just a few feet above the freeway, in front of the armored truck.
Willy must have had it in for me because he didn’t swerve, it looked like he planned to ram me with an armored truck. Willy’s not the brightest otherwise he would have wondered why I didn’t stay higher. Did he really think I was just going to let him hit me?
I held up my hand and shouted ‘STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW’.
Hopefully the news choppers that had showed up would hear that great one liner. Because as soon as I finished the line, I summoned 4,000 cubic feet of Ice right in front of Willy’s armored truck. The truck slammed into the ice coming to nearly a dead stop. I grinned because I knew that must have looked damn good on the cameras.The maniac on top? He went flying. I caught him in midair, ‘cause otherwise he would have certainly died. But I still wasn’t feeling nice, so I dropped him from 30 feet up.
The maniac started wailing at the same time as Willy and nine other goons all got out of the armored truck all carrying bags of money and baring their automatic weapons one handed. Three of the guys must have been Harvard graduates because they stated running, but Willy and the others all opened fire on me.
Willy and the guys aren’t the best shots, but they nailed me pretty good. I took a shot to the ribs, which felt like they might have broken, and one shot punctured my cheek and bounced off my left molar. I tasted copper in my mouth and had to spit out the blood before it Choked me.
Did I mention the fact that I am not a fan of pain? It was stupid of me, this time I had just stood there and let them shoot me. So, I did what any good hero would. I ran.I tried to put the armored car between me and the goons as I let them have it with a hail ice balls.
What? You don’t think shooting snow balls from my hands sounds threatening? You ever been hit with a compacted ball of ice, the size of a bowling ball, shot from a cannon? Does that sound intimidating enough?!
I Got pretty lucky and half the goons went down. But Willy was coming to play. I watched as his arms and legs elongated. His fingers stretched and looked like freakish rubbery claws. He still was the same skinny pathetic loser, willy always was, but he was now standing over 15ft tall. He started barreling at me on all fours and looked like some horrific cross between spider and ape. He clamored over the armored truck and took a swipe at me.
I felt the Worm’s stretched out fingers brush my face. I twisted and fell hard to the asphalt trying to keep those hand off of me. But even as I did Willy’s limbs stretched further, and twisted like snakes around my neck.
I looked into willy’s ugly face, and the eyes maddened by M-Poisoning. I could smell his halitosis and some of his slobber dripped onto my face.
Willy’s gripped tightened. I could feel my lungs burning for air, and my vision started going black. Willy started laughing.
I couldn’t go out like this. I couldn’t die like this. What would my mom think when she found out Joseph Sample really was Johny Snow? Would she be mad at all the lies? Would she be proud of me?
I had to do something. So, with my last breath I said;
“Willy, I told you; to stop in the name of the law. I SHOULD HAVE SAID FREEZE!”
That’s right! TWO great one-liners in a single fight! I know the cameras must have gotten that one. They always zoom in when it looks like a hero is about to get himself killed.
Just like that, Ice raced up The Worm’s arms. I made it as close to absolute zero as I could, pouring all the energy I could find into freezing willy.
You know what happens to things that have expanded when they suddenly get cold? They revert to their original size and shape. Willy was suffering some major shrinkage. He fought it. Tried to stretch himself out.It looked painful. I am not a fan of pain.
He flailed at me as the Icy kept spreading and I made it colder and colder. The madness in his eyes were replaced with the fear of going back to jail. Willy tried to run, but by that point, he was frozen solid. You know what else happens to things that get cold? They become brittle. I punched that Ice sculpture of Willy with the force of a sledge hammer. Madness and fear were replaced with peace in Willy’s eyes as he went straight into unconsciousness.
I looked at the three remaining goons. They ran. They would have gotten away. I was in no shape or mood to chase after them. But, as those fools were running away from me and shooting glances back, one of them ran right into my Nemesis.
To be Continued…
Johny Snow vs Narcissus
Johnny Snow vs Narcissus
There he was. Looking more like a Greek god then a character most people wouldn’t recognize except for the personality flaw named after him. Narcissus was standing there, and looking totally ripped, wearing only his banana hammock for a costume. One of the goons trying to run away, knocked himself out on Narcissus pecks.
I felt really uncomfortable.
98% of all super humans would be qualified as having ‘knock out’ looks. Its part of the genes that give us powers. We all look like models. How else could we all shimmy into those tights? Even amongst that crowed, Narcissus stands out. Looking at him is like staring at the sun.
What you don’t think that’s unfair? You want to complain about how heroes aren’t an accurate representation of the population as a whole? You think its down-right-sexist that ‘super women’ like the Hollywood Heroin show more thigh and breast then KFC? Well your right, it is unfair, and it is sexist. But, we all love KFC. And, I don’t make the rules.
My eyes were still trying to find some place comfortable to rest. When Narcissus thunder-clapped and sent those three goons flying. It was a totally unnecessary use of force. Those guys would have surrendered. One of them had already soiled himself. I could have almost forgiven. That’s the trick with Narcissus, not only does he derive his powers from his self-confidence, they also make him far more likable then he is. Which is why he is; ‘America’s Favorite’.
I could almost have forgiven him, except that he beat my friend Cat Face half to death once. Face and I were high school friends even before we teamed up as super heroes. So Narcissus has been on my shit list for a long time.
“You’re on my turf Snow” Narcissus said as he started cracking his knuckles. “You’re should know the rules by now. You’re too close to the beach and the beach belongs to me.”
“Turf?” I said like I didn’t comprehend what he was saying. “I was stopping a crime. While you were probably sitting on the beach and coving yourself with more canola oil. Your supposed to be a hero! If you don’t want me on your ‘turf’ why don’t you go ahead and hit me? Maybe it will make you feel like more of a man”
The cameras were all pointed right at us. Most of the conflict between us had been kept quite, but the press could smell bad blood. I wanted to score a win in the verbal sparing match. Maybe I could up my rep and unseat ‘America’s Favorite’ at the same time.
“Now Johny, as leader of Alpha Force, and a member of the Hero Relations Board, not only do I get to make the rules I GET TO ENFORCE THEM!” That’s when he hit me with his right hook.
Damn he used the one-liner. That was supposed to my bag.
I can joke now, but that punch sent me flying THROUGH the armored Truck. Getting hit by Narcissus is waaaay worse then bullets. My already damaged ribs broke with a snap. Narcissus was a bit out of my league on a good day, and I wasn’t having a good day.
“ummm…. Freeze?” I said while sitting inside the crumpled armored truck. I was out of good one liners. I tried hitting him with the same icy bonds I used on The Worm. My power hit him square in the chest. I breathed a sigh of relief. I needed to end this quickly. But, as the ice started covering him, the big dope flexed his pecks. The ice all broke off and fell to the ground, like shattered glass.
Narsis flew at me with his fist leading the way. He wasn’t creative, but he was effective. I flew straight up and clung to the overhead of the truck. Narcissus flew past me, hitting the interior where I had been lounging. I quickly exited the back of the truck, creating a blizzard in the surrounding area. I needed some cover. I might not be a master of stealth like Cat Face, but I can lose someone in a blizzard.
The snow and winds whipped around me as a climbed into the air. I could see Narcissus because I could see heat. Narcissus must have been steaming mad because he lit up like a Christmas tree. Narcissus Flew into the air trying to kick and punch at ghosts in the wind. I came at him from behind and landed a solid blow.
Fair? No. What did I care, the cameras couldn’t see us now.
“I don’t know how Cat Face ever lost to a chump like you Narcissus” I was still hurting but getting a lick in had picked up my spirits a bit.
“It went like this Snow” That’s when Narcissus through the remains of the armored truck at me. I could barely hear Narcissus over the winds I was maintaining as a flew around. I could see Narcissus easily but I didn’t see the Truck tell it hit me. Broken trucks don’t emit heat signatures.
I think I might have blacked out for a second. I came to when I hit the ground. My blizzard left me the moment I stopped channeling energy into it. I fired off a half hearted cold beam at Narcissus right before he slammed my face into the asphalt.